Let me assist you through a disparity. Why is it difficult to communicate through a divorce, discrepancy or a mediation? It is simple, it is difficult to connect with someone you are mad at. In my last blog I talked about John Maxwell’s book, Everyone Communicates Few Connect. This book is extremely helpful to my practice. The idea that you need to connect with someone before you can influence them. Everyone that I know in a mediation wants to influence the other party. The trouble arises in the connecting. To connect you often need to build a relationship on common values. Well you are already in a relationship and you want out.
I assist clients to focus on what they do have in common. In divorce it is often the children. When you are going through a mediation you need to control your thoughts. You cannot control your circumstances but you can control how you think about it. Be intentional with how you want to think about your circumstances. Believe me if you control your thoughts it has the power to change your feelings. For example, you’re coming to a mediation to work on your weekly schedule. Your ex-wife Sally is driving you nuts. She never allows you to get a word in. You walk in the room (or click on zoom) and you feel the anger rising you want her to hear you. Now this is going to be really hard; however, if you want to have success you need to remember this is not all about you. This is about learning the other parties wants and needs and finding a way to work together. If you can change the story in your mind to something more like: Sally cares about our kids so much she is passionate, we have great kids. It can change your feelings. If you want to influence Sally connect with her first.
One of the major benefits to Mediation is that you get to make the decision. That does not mean you win. It means you work together. More often than not when I help people see the real issues behind the other parties needs they are willing to work together. I am here for you and I would be honored to help you through the Mediation Process.